Why Falling Asleep is Like Having an Orgasm

For many of us, sleeping through the night can be a challenging adventure. That is why, in this week’s blog, I’d like to share my tips for getting a good night’s sleep in four easy steps.

This approach draws on my experience treating hundreds of patients with sleep disorders, as well as what I’ve personally found to be effective over the years. Whether you take drugs, melatonin, magnesium or nothing at all, I believe the following four steps will help you sleep longer, better and more deeply over the coming weeks.

Let’s begin with a key physiological insight:

Sleep begins when your heart rate falls to below your normal resting rate - typically by five beats per minute. This is the doorway through which you must pass to fall asleep.

With that in mind, here are 4 essential steps to help your body cross the threshold into sleep:

1. Sleep Foreplay

2. Focused, Nasal Breathing

3. Chill time

4. Counting Backwards with Your Breath

1. Sleep Foreplay (a.k.a. Sleep Hygiene)

Falling asleep is like bringing on an orgasm. It can’t be forced. You need to be comfortable and relaxed. It needs to be coaxed and encouraged to happen. That’s why I refer to this first step as ‘sleep foreplay’.

Here‘s how to get the most benefit from ‘sleep foreplay’:

a. Reduce exposure to light and screens at least 90 minutes before bed. The blue light from screens inhibits melatonin production. Imagine how your partner would feel if you were working on your computer during foreplay!

b. Avoid food and fluids within 2–3 hours of bedtime and eliminate caffeine after mid-afternoon.

c. Practice a relaxing, self-care bedtime ritual that signals your body it's time to unwind. This can include stretching, a warm bath, or light meditation.

d. Optimize your sleep environment: cool the room’s temperature, filter the air (HEPA filtration), and minimize noise or light (use ear plugs or eye shades).

e. Improve the comfort of your bed with new pillows, new sheets or even a full body pillow to cuddle with.

2. Focused, Slow Nasal Breathing

Nasal breathing - drawing air in and out through the nose instead of the mouth - offers a range of physiological benefits, especially when it comes to nervous system

health, sleep quality and immune function. Here are some its benefits:

1. Activates the Parasympathetic Nervous System

• Nasal breathing activates the vagus nerve and shifts the body toward a parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) state - crucial for initiating and maintaining sleep.

2. Improves Oxygen Efficiency

• Nasal breathing allows hemoglobin to release oxygen more efficiently to the cells. This prevents nighttime hypoxia.

4. Reduces Snoring and Sleep Apnea

• Nasal breathing encourages proper tongue posture and airway alignment, reducing the risk of snoring and obstructive sleep apnea.

5. Filters and Humidifies the Air

• The nose warms, humidifies, and filters incoming air through cilia and mucus, removing dust, allergens, and pathogens.

6. Enhances Focus and Calms the Mind

• Nasal breathing, especially when combined with mindful breath awareness, calms mental activity and reduces emotional reactivity.

How to begin. Close your mouth, focus your attention on the sensation of air entering and exiting through your nose, and gradually slow down the pace of your breathing. Practice this for 20-30 minutes while in bed.

If you have nasal congestion or sinus issues, practicing nasal breathing can improve the airflow over time. If you continue to have difficulty breathing through your nose, try watching my video on how to cleanse your sinuses HERE.

3. Chill Time

Once you've established nasal breathing, give it some time to work.

Rather than stimulating your mind with reading or surfing social media, allow yourself 20–30 minutes of quiet breathing with the lights off. This period is essential for

facilitating the lowering of your heart rate and bringing on sleep.

Just as with bringing on an orgasm, you can’t rush falling asleep. The more consistently you practice this technique, the more your body will begin to associate these cues with falling asleep.

4. Counting Backwards with Your Breath

I know what you’re thinking, “I’ve tried counting backwards before and it just doesn’t work.”

First, you may not even get to this step if you practice the first three steps. Second, in this technique, each number you count is linked to taking a single nasal breath.

With each breath, count backwardstaring from 100.

(Inhale/Exhale...100. Inhale/Exhale...99. Inhale/Exhale...98...and so on.)

At some point, I predict you will lose count. When this happens, start again at one hundred. When you lose count again, start back again at one hundred. If you get to zero, repeat this sequence one more time.

Most people fall asleep long before they complete the second round.

Final Thoughts

Just like bringing on a satisfying orgasm, falling asleep is a natural biological process that requires the right conditions. By supporting your nervous system with the above strategies, you can train your body to fall asleep more easily and consistently.

If you’re dealing with chronic illness, fatigue or high stress levels, sleep is one of the most important healing tools you have. Improve your relationship to sleep and you will not only feel better in the short run, you will live a longer, healthier life.

I encourage you to try these steps consistently for one week - and observe how your body responds. You may be surprised at how much easier it is to fall asleep when you work with your physiology instead of against it.

If you know someone who could benefit from falling asleep more easily, please share this blog post with them. Better yet, share it to the social media platform of your choice.

Wishing you deep, restful sleep.

Keep Hope Alive!

Dr. Jon Kaiser